Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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