Your mouth is God's brothel.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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