He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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