I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
