I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
