my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
