my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Come see our sink grown plant.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
