im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
