I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
