The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
