I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
