yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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