I hate all girls vehemently.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
