I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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