mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
