isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
