you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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