How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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