I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
only you would photoshop your dick
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
