Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
