I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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