Betty ford says i'm here all night
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
