Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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