oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
