i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
