in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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