My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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