Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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