Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
