Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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