i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
