I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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