I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
