she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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