She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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