I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
