3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
