I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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