sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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