Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize