i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
