420 ftw
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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