Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
