she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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