I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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