Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
