no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
