you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
