I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
