I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
