She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
